Day 5 Friday, May 8, 2009
8 am - ½ mini watermelon, which gave me indigestion. My thought now about watermelon is that I eat them much too quickly, and gulp down a lot of air. I’ll try putting them in smoothies or juicing them… I am not giving them up! (is there an echo in here? Seems to me I've said the same thing of a lot of things that are now distant memories...but watermelon?! Come on!)
I could try to eat them less voraciously, I guess…but it’s just that they’re so juicy and sweet and there’s not much to chew on and I just go for bite after bite after sweet sweet bite! But then I feel like Shiite, so I’ll just grow up and slow down. ;)
8:30 Fennel tea to get rid of the indigestion, which it promptly did.
9:30 Glass of green smoothie containing spinach, kale, chard, black/blue/raspberries, apple Purple-y DELICIOUS!!
1 pm At times, it seems I’m trying to get too fancy with these smoothies!! This one tasted like shiite!! 2 pears, 1 banana, blueberries, way. too. much. parsley. . . then, when I tried to fix it with raspberries, the whole frozen clump fell into the blender and sank to the bottom! Blarg!! But I drank it. Most of it.
3 pm ½ pineapple
4:45 green smoothie containing 2 bananas, 2 apples, blueberries, big handfuls of spinach…delicious and it really hit the spot!
11:15 pm back from the gig, ate a Bartlett Pear, went to bed.
Some thoughts I've been chewing on...
Well, if anything in my body has been 're-set' this week of no-fat eating, it's my hunger and its signals.
What's come out of this is the feeling that hunger is not an emergency state in my body. I can only say this from a place of abundance. If I were desperately hungry due to lack of options, and this was not a choice I'm making, I would be singing a different tune.
But in this controlled study, so to speak, I'm able to keep not only optimistic, but very, very satisfied on very, very little.
It raises my awareness of just how priviledged I am to be in the position to make such a choice. Funny that focusing on less has made me more aware and grateful of my abundance.
A mere few days ago, I called myself a Dinner HO, (fear not, it's a term of endearment!) and many times, I've talked about the feelings of entitlement I get come dinner time.
Prior to last night's gig at the fish n chips place, I was thinking I'd have to bring pitchers of green smoothies, a giant salad, and some fruit for the car so I'd be able to zip out on breaks and eat feverishly to battle the temptations inside the restaurant.
But I went to the gig fuelled by a blender pitcher of green smoothie at 4:45 and it was pretty darned filling. Good thing, because in our rush to leave the house on time, I left the salad sitting on the kitchen counter, lol. When I realized this on route, I had a fleeting, "Oh, no..." but then I just took a firm stand with myself and thought, Suck it up, Buttercup! :)
Well, I was able to sail through last night with aplomb. (not a plum, aplomb.) I liken it to the same way I've been able to untangle my emotions from bottles of beer or the smell of dope. In years past, all it would take was seeing or smelling those things and I was a gonner. And I think that I, like most folks, am the same with various foods. But last night, I didn't connect the platters of food I saw, with myself. And come to think of it, the smell of food didn't trigger anything in me.
I guess I just know I'm on a different mission this week, and that's that. I'm very strong in that way. When it's time to knuckle down, I'm your girl.
I've been going longer and longer stretches in the day time this week without needing to eat, so at no point in the evening did I even think of food!
I just sang my set, then hosted the night. It was pretty cool, actually, a bluegrass ensemble came in...there were about 7 or them, and we all settled in thinking it was going to be smokin' hot licks and they announced that this was their first time playing together as a group! Aw, man, they had the place in the palm of their hands!! It was great! The owner, who has a big heart, offered that they can have the place on Wednesday nights to come play and practice. What a gift, heh? The whole night was a lot of fun.
On the drive home, my boyfriend and I discussed how it was for us, and he said he was fine, but starving. And I totally knew what he meant. Hunger is coming from a different place. It doesn't feel all messed up with emotions.
That's why when I came home, at 11 or so, I took 2 Bartlett pears, ate one, and put one back and went to bed.
I find this fascinating. :)