Saturday, 4 April 2009

And at the Heart of the Matter, We Learn.

So last night, my boyfriend and I made sure we were filled up before the open mic, so that we wouldn't be tempted with plates of fish n' chips.

We had nothing here at the house (that lull in money timing that happens once in a paid late in the day) and so, in the hour before we had to leave for the evening, we rode the bike over to the raw cafe and ate there. I ate a beet burger and a side salad.

I thought I was full until we arrived at the restaurant. Might have been emotional eating because we had a minor falling out on the 30 minute drive to the gig. What the hell, it happens to us all, so I'm sharing. ;)

Well, you guessed it, we set up our sound gear and didn't say no to each a plate of SAD dinner. I don't know where in hell I keep these blinders when they're not in use; but they appeared out of nowhere, and on they went.

It's not a moral issue or a guilt issue, it's more of a "wtf am I thinking" issue. I mean, where does all my good sense go? Ah, welcome to being human. It's actually a lot like the heat of any passion, right? Where the reasoning just flies out the window in a blind flash of impulse.

This isn't serious --when I've otherwise eaten so cleanly these past 3 months, since recommitting--it's just that it feels just like a hangover the next day.

Both of us woke up to a scratchy throat, a sick-ish feeling, and for me, a dark mood. Even though I woke up from a dream in which I was on stage with Ugly Betty, acting out a funny scene. (ok, what?)

I was extra groggy, which is unlike me of late, and I chose to catch an extra hour or so of sleep. Well that didn't work, and so I got up and made a green smoothie, which did help balance me out but I couldn't shake the sort of 'anger' for lack of a better word.

About this anger. I've noticed, and commented on, the fact that whenever I've eaten a SAD meal in the past couple years of raw, the next day I struggle with anger. We've all heard of the food-mood connection, but to most of us, it's just one of a million vague, coined phrases. But when you experience it, the food-mood connection springs to life and plays itself out in front of your own shocked self.

I was so pissy. All by myself, I might add. My boyfriend took care of himself by going for a long Harley ride. I drank my smoothie but as I said, was still left with this irrational anger. So much so that I felt aggressive. So I went to the gym and worked up a 45 minute cardio hell-sweat and got my ya-ya's out. I didn't do any weights, just the cardio, and then I got in my beater van and drove home, red as a beet and panting, but not nearly as edgy.

I rejoined my boyfriend, back from his ride, and we were both feeling somewhat soothed, but still we were not ourselves. He even had a headache and toothache today, and I was sluggish and out-of-sorts. Geez! A long way from feeling so optimal, and with just one meal! Sure tells us both what a lifetime of this does to a body.

The other lesson in this (wait, what's the first lesson? Oh yeah, that SAD = MAD) is that even after eating that way and feeling this way from it, the body craves more SAD food.

Is that not just a kick in the eye??

But we saw that one comin', so even though we craved more SAD food,we ate really lightly for our evening lightly, I wouldn't even call it dinner. Just grazed on a couple cold veggies and some hummus.

So what seems like a set-back, is just another Universal mini-teach-in from the Heart of the Matter. And a relatively gentle one, at that.

It's all just a big ball 'o' learnin' fun, isn't it? :)
It's a process, like anything else worth goin' for in life.

Onward, Rawkers!


Leah @ Simply Fabulous said...

Hey there! Thank you so much for the comment you left on my blog. It's nice to read about women living the "raw" lifestyle! I haven't even really dipped my toes into it yet but it will be something I do more research on! I'm glad you've had so much success.

Rawkin' said...

Hi Leah,

Thanks for you comment. Other than the odd glitch, as you've read here (...such are the ups and downs of life...) I've found what really works best for me. If you look into the raw food lifestyle, know that there is a plethora of info on the net, many books written, and of course, you're always welcome back here for support & info, any ol' time :)

All the best to you,

Anonymous said...

girl, i get this, i so get this. and yep, every time i wake up feeling crappy, i totally know what it is caused by. and i think the anger - for me, is at myself. but those addictions are super powerful, and they wanna suck you back in all the time. keeping it 100% clean is really the only way to stop it from happening i think. not that i am doing it!!!! love you big time. sg

Rawkin' said...

Aw, thanks for your love and support, SG. I adore you.


Gloria said...

It isn't about "If" we fall in life, it's about how we pick ourselves up each time after the fall.

Rawkin' said...

Thank you, Gloria! You're so right :)


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