Saturday, 5 January 2008

My dreams are back.

Just 7 months ago, I was thinking I was just on the glide path to old age, sickness, and death. I knew my habits were killing me, and that no good could come of it, that it was not going to end well if I continued to go in that direction, but I was sooooo stuck. I was buried under feeling horrible. It was a heavy blanket on me, pressing me down. My thoughts looped about what I should do instead...round and round it went, making me feel worse because I knew better... yet, I felt too lousy to do any better. Where to even start? I was hurtin', and angry, and deeply sad, addicted, trapped, lonesome, depressed, scared of being utterly doomed.

Ok, shake it off! I can really go there in my feelings when I climb inside to type about it. Shake. It. Off. <<<<<<<&#&*#*@)^)!>>>>>>>>

Alright. Yeah, my dreams are back. Life has opened up again, and I'm engaged in life again. I had forgotten, I mean, completely forgotten, what life can be like. What an evil trick the mind plays. Just when you need the most reminding, the blinders and the fog kick in, the vision tunnels, the lights go dim.

<<<<<<<&#&*#*@)^)!>>>>>>>> I'm back.

Life is sweet, my world is open, my plans are competing with each other again, just like back when I was ~young~. Ahhhhh what a lovely feeling.

I have music goals again...I'm putting my band back together, I'm in the studio recording.

I have art goals again...I've bought in at a small local gallery, where my art will hang for sale, and I now belong to an artist collective, where I look forward to learning and growing, and I'm approaching venues for solo art shows. My paintings are changing and blooming in new directions, and the process is light and fun again.

I have life dreams with my partner, Steve. More property hunting, more camping, more creative sex, yes, you read it here first. :)

Life is so sweet when you love it. I had no idea what awaited me back in my bleak winter.

What does this have to do with raw foods? Raw food = live food = life-giving = energy = wellness = physical renewal = emotional renewal = lightness of being = happiness.

Life still throws its curves; it always will. It's life. I find that with energy, wellness, and happiness, I'm able to handle things better, because it no longer feels like "NOW WHAT?"

It's infinitely easier to love myself now. I used to think when I felt better about myself, then I would treat myself better, and take care of my health. I have since learned that I had it all backwards. I feel better about myself *because* I treat myself better and take care of my health.

As I said, it was so hard to see past the hole I'd dug myself. Putting one foot in front of the other walked me right out of the darkness I was in. I never thought I'd feel better, let alone fabulous. Who knew this awaited me?

It's so great to have my dreams back~!

1 comment:

alissa said...

i was just writing in my journal that i've been having really intense dreams lately (the night time variety).

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