Friday, 22 August 2008

me, being debaucherous at the Hilton in Whistler B.C.
Well hello there!

It's about time, eh?

I've been so remiss about tending to this blog, and to my raw board. Sheesh.

What can I say... the summer, which I thought would be the easiest time to be raw, has turned out to be hard.

My 'raw mind' hasn't turned to mush or anything, but my choices are sometimes less than stellar, and my weight is climbing back up, and I'm dancing with old symptoms again.

I do still have salad and green smoothies, but more in the way a S.A.D. eater does it, as 'sides'. I haven't been following my beloved lifestyle, gobbling back a half watermelon for breakfast, or using the largest silver salad bowl in the set and chowin' down a salad.

What am I even eating? That's the thing, it's not so bad, it's just not so great. Not as great as it can be. I have dipped into the terrible, once, with fries of all things (one of the worst!) but overall, have maintained a high fruit, high vegetable diet, only not always raw. I've eaten more meat than usual.

My clothes are tight and I'm bulging again. Honestly. I sure do fluctuate with my efforts. I go all the way into something and go full boar then do the same thing with the next thing. I split my energy between things that I am passionate about...painting, art shows, my band, gigs, EFT, the law of attraction, manifesting, and lately, wealth consciousness. The raw lifestyle is definitely still where I'm at, only now it's been mostly a half-assed effort. As a result, I look and feel half-assed. I'm runnin' at half-ass.

Like any other mother of teen sons, I try to juggle everything in the air, and sometimes one goes by the wayside. I don't understand getting lazy when it's all going so great. Never have I felt better or looked healthier, than last year. Although, come to think of it-- I do understand, because I understand self-sabotage, something we all carry to some degree.

I am a far cry better than I was just over a year ago, when I was drinking as well as eating randomly.

Well this week, I decided to turn another corner, and make better choices again.

I keep a vision board on my desktop, it's a file of my goals in images, and it plays 'slide-show' style as a screen saver. There are about 40 or so pictures that stay on the screen for 11 seconds each. Some of the images are of things I currently have in my life, and am grateful for, and some of the images are things that I tell myself I currently have (but have yet to experience) lol

That's what I'm working on lately. Well, among the images is one of me that is in the past (about 5 months ago) but it's about what I want in the future. I look healthy, fit, and slender, and young for my almost 45 years.

I'm about 10 lbs heavier. It's not all that bad, really; I'm still in the same jeans and such, but I'm bulging them out, lol.

Aw well, this is all so stinkin' easy to fix, it's a joy!

The thing that has to happen is the switch in thinking. And lately, that's been happening. I was re-invited back to my own message board. So I checked in and poked around with an update, and just by doing that, I have felt more accountable and tuned back in to raw than I have in a long time.

Raw has gone from something that was not really too negotiable, to a point where I feel I went back to sleep somehow. It's been an intense year, very emotional, and I can't tell ya how much I've grown and learned. Sometimes painfully, sometimes with absolute joy, and mostly everything in between.

Anyway, I'm waking up. I'm taking raw by the horns again.



becoming whole said...

I am soooo glad to see you back. I can really relate to what you are saying. I got really discouaged and went off for a while. Then I know I needed to come back but at a different pace this time. I just happened upon and joined. It has really been a big support to stay on track. Still struggling...but that is long as I get there.

I missed you and I am glad you are back.

alissa said...

nice to see you!

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