Showing posts with label S.A.D.. Show all posts
Showing posts with label S.A.D.. Show all posts

Saturday, 7 March 2009

Weighin' in as the Big Winner: Raw Food


Well I did it! I ran our open mic on all-can-eat-fish-n-chips-night and didn't eat anything! Before ya go thinking I'm trying to hold off food and starve myself into some special weight, (not!) read on....

I was determined to be so full before we left the house, that we wouldn't be tempted while there.

Sho' nuff, it worked.

The raw dinner I made was so quick & easy that I started it at 4 pm, ate it by 4:30, got dolled up and was in the car by 5.

A carrot-pecan 'burger' patty left over from a couple nights ago, and some fresh Angel Hair 'Pasta' with Marinara Sauce and Date Nut Torte for dessert. Yeah, dessert too!

I know it's a repeat of Monday's meal, but it's so dang great, neither of us minded!

So we filled our boots and left, comfortably full, and when we saw the plates of *S.A.D. food getting served up, it was effortless to pass on it. Yayyayyyaaaaaaaaay!!!!

Mind you, it smelled great. But it felt so much greater to know we did the right thing for ourselves. In the first couple months of raw, I sometimes have to 'demonize' S.A.D. food to stay on track. But last night, I decided to look at the people eating it rather than the food, and it humanized it as a choice everyone has.

Here's the thing, and this is big: In the weeks when we were on the S.A.D Highway to Hell ---goin' with the demon theme, here, lol---- and ate the Fish n' Chips, we would either stop at Tim Hortons on the way home and eat another meal, or stopped at the Safeway for donuts or roast chicken. Seriously! And we started to feel like dough people! If this way of eating felt great to me, I would see no reason to discontinue it. I mean, it tastes great! But my own truth is that I can't seem to control my tendency to go 'all or nothing' with everything: food, beer, pot, you name it. You know, the ol' 'If one is good, 10 must be better!' line of thought. And I end up feeling seriously bad, physically and emotionally.


Eating a meal of S.A.D. makes us want to eat another meal of S.A.D. a mere 1-2 hours later...in the evening, before bed! So we were spending over night with clumps of undigested, dead food in our guts, and waking up feeling like a$$. With raw, even though we ate earlier, we were sated for the entire evening and we awaken light and buoyant and ready for the day.

This is so revealing of the addiction and downward spiral of cooked foods. No wonder we couldn't get a grip with our health, no wonder folks struggle so much with it, because on S.A.D. it takes a Herculean effort, because you're fighting an up-hill battle. The nutrient density of raw wins hands down!

*S.A.D. = Standard American Diet

Weighin' in as the Big Winner: Raw Food


Well I did it! I ran our open mic on all-can-eat-fish-n-chips-night and didn't eat anything! Before ya go thinking I'm trying to hold off food and starve myself into some special weight, (not!) read on....

I was determined to be so full before we left the house, that we wouldn't be tempted while there.

Sho' nuff, it worked.

The raw dinner I made was so quick & easy that I started it at 4 pm, ate it by 4:30, got dolled up and was in the car by 5.

A carrot-pecan 'burger' patty left over from a couple nights ago, and some fresh Angel Hair 'Pasta' with Marinara Sauce and Date Nut Torte for dessert. Yeah, dessert too!

I know it's a repeat of Monday's meal, but it's so dang great, neither of us minded!

So we filled our boots and left, comfortably full, and when we saw the plates of *S.A.D. food getting served up, it was effortless to pass on it. Yayyayyyaaaaaaaaay!!!!

Mind you, it smelled great. But it felt so much greater to know we did the right thing for ourselves. In the first couple months of raw, I sometimes have to 'demonize' S.A.D. food to stay on track. But last night, I decided to look at the people eating it rather than the food, and it humanized it as a choice everyone has.

Here's the thing, and this is big: In the weeks when we were on the S.A.D Highway to Hell ---goin' with the demon theme, here, lol---- and ate the Fish n' Chips, we would either stop at Tim Hortons on the way home and eat another meal, or stopped at the Safeway for donuts or roast chicken. Seriously! And we started to feel like dough people! If this way of eating felt great to me, I would see no reason to discontinue it. I mean, it tastes great! But my own truth is that I can't seem to control my tendency to go 'all or nothing' with everything: food, beer, pot, you name it. You know, the ol' 'If one is good, 10 must be better!' line of thought. And I end up feeling seriously bad, physically and emotionally.


Eating a meal of S.A.D. makes us want to eat another meal of S.A.D. a mere 1-2 hours later...in the evening, before bed! So we were spending over night with clumps of undigested, dead food in our guts, and waking up feeling like a$$. With raw, even though we ate earlier, we were sated for the entire evening and we awaken light and buoyant and ready for the day.

This is so revealing of the addiction and downward spiral of cooked foods. No wonder we couldn't get a grip with our health, no wonder folks struggle so much with it, because on S.A.D. it takes a Herculean effort, because you're fighting an up-hill battle. The nutrient density of raw wins hands down!

*S.A.D. = Standard American Diet

Sunday, 22 February 2009

How Many Meals To Good (or Bad) Health?


This article was written by Mark Idzik, and is just what I needed to read, after eating a SAD (but delicious, dang it!) meal at my step-sons' home tonight! I went with the flow and ate what was served rather than risk being a 'bad guest'. It was their first time inviting us Geezers over, so I didn't want to be a pain... I know, I know... but tomorrow is a brand new day!!!

Without further ado...

****************************************************************************

How Many Meals To Good (or Bad) Health?


To most people, eating an occasional fast food meal or drinking a soda once in a while is acceptable. Even eating out regularly would be considered healthy to most.


But how many meals does it take to lead you to good as well as bad health?


How many meals would you have to eat before you would get on the road to better health or on the path to poor health?


Well, a review of dietary research published recently in the Journal of the American College of Cardiology now has the answer.


One.


Just one meal can either bring us closer to health, or further away from it.


This is groundbreaking since never before has there been research to backup the effects of just one meal. Your health is literally determined by your last meal. What did you last eat?


We’ve know for decades the effects of eating poorly over long periods of time, but this research explains why just one meal makes a difference.


You see, just as long term poor eating habits clog arteries and increase risk of heart attacks and strokes, there are short term effects as well.


Once you eat that one fast food meal, that one processed (anything in a wrapper or box) food item, drink that one soda, it sets off a chain reaction in your body. Tissue becomes inflamed (just as if it was infected), blood vessels constrict, free radicals that are know to cause cell damage, contributing to aging and chronic disease are generated. The body is now under stress and the response has an effect on blood pressure, raising it above normal. The spike and then drop in insulin levels not only leaves you feeling lethargic within hours, but also leaves you hungry as well.


All these happen within minutes and hours of eating anything other than primarily natural, whole foods.


And here’s where it gets interesting.


Most people trying to switch from ‘S.A.D’ (standard american diet) of processed foods will feel unsatisfied at first when trying to start eating more healthy meals. That’s in part because of the insulin effect that leaves you hungry in a short period after eating. Additionally, sugary and fatty foods promote excretion of the stress hormone cortisol, which shows to stimulate your appetite for more ‘calorie-dense’ foods. The spikes in blood sugar after these meals are also more likely to occur in people who aren’t active and don’t exercise or anyone that carries excess weight in their stomach area.


So it’s often a vicious circle for those wanting to modify their eating habits to healthier alternatives. The more fatty, sugary, fast, junk and processed food you eat (even once), the harder it becomes to stop. And the less active you are, the more the unhealthy food affects you.


What’s the best way to break this circle of addiction?


First, avoid fast, junk and processed foods completely. The less you eat them, the less the vicious circle will affect you.


Next, eat a diet compromised 70-80% of fresh, natural and organic fruits, vegetables, nuts, seed and grains. A small portion of steamed vegetables is good as well.


Drink water and eliminate all other drinks with the exception of fresh squeezed juices and occasional herb teas.


Stay active, walk or bike instead of driving when you can. Take 15-30 minutes daily to exercise at home.


By following these tips you’ll see results within days if not sooner.


The good news is that just one healthy meal of fresh fruits or vegetables can bring you closer to better health. And knowing that, what will you plan to eat next?


To your best health!

How Many Meals To Good (or Bad) Health?


This article was written by Mark Idzik, and is just what I needed to read, after eating a SAD (but delicious, dang it!) meal at my step-sons' home tonight! I went with the flow and ate what was served rather than risk being a 'bad guest'. It was their first time inviting us Geezers over, so I didn't want to be a pain... I know, I know... but tomorrow is a brand new day!!!

Without further ado...

****************************************************************************

How Many Meals To Good (or Bad) Health?


To most people, eating an occasional fast food meal or drinking a soda once in a while is acceptable. Even eating out regularly would be considered healthy to most.


But how many meals does it take to lead you to good as well as bad health?


How many meals would you have to eat before you would get on the road to better health or on the path to poor health?


Well, a review of dietary research published recently in the Journal of the American College of Cardiology now has the answer.


One.


Just one meal can either bring us closer to health, or further away from it.


This is groundbreaking since never before has there been research to backup the effects of just one meal. Your health is literally determined by your last meal. What did you last eat?


We’ve know for decades the effects of eating poorly over long periods of time, but this research explains why just one meal makes a difference.


You see, just as long term poor eating habits clog arteries and increase risk of heart attacks and strokes, there are short term effects as well.


Once you eat that one fast food meal, that one processed (anything in a wrapper or box) food item, drink that one soda, it sets off a chain reaction in your body. Tissue becomes inflamed (just as if it was infected), blood vessels constrict, free radicals that are know to cause cell damage, contributing to aging and chronic disease are generated. The body is now under stress and the response has an effect on blood pressure, raising it above normal. The spike and then drop in insulin levels not only leaves you feeling lethargic within hours, but also leaves you hungry as well.


All these happen within minutes and hours of eating anything other than primarily natural, whole foods.


And here’s where it gets interesting.


Most people trying to switch from ‘S.A.D’ (standard american diet) of processed foods will feel unsatisfied at first when trying to start eating more healthy meals. That’s in part because of the insulin effect that leaves you hungry in a short period after eating. Additionally, sugary and fatty foods promote excretion of the stress hormone cortisol, which shows to stimulate your appetite for more ‘calorie-dense’ foods. The spikes in blood sugar after these meals are also more likely to occur in people who aren’t active and don’t exercise or anyone that carries excess weight in their stomach area.


So it’s often a vicious circle for those wanting to modify their eating habits to healthier alternatives. The more fatty, sugary, fast, junk and processed food you eat (even once), the harder it becomes to stop. And the less active you are, the more the unhealthy food affects you.


What’s the best way to break this circle of addiction?


First, avoid fast, junk and processed foods completely. The less you eat them, the less the vicious circle will affect you.


Next, eat a diet compromised 70-80% of fresh, natural and organic fruits, vegetables, nuts, seed and grains. A small portion of steamed vegetables is good as well.


Drink water and eliminate all other drinks with the exception of fresh squeezed juices and occasional herb teas.


Stay active, walk or bike instead of driving when you can. Take 15-30 minutes daily to exercise at home.


By following these tips you’ll see results within days if not sooner.


The good news is that just one healthy meal of fresh fruits or vegetables can bring you closer to better health. And knowing that, what will you plan to eat next?


To your best health!

Tuesday, 10 February 2009

Hello, Beauties

I'm back!


I'm back from the great abyss. The Winter of Age 45 has not been without its bullshit! Aging mother, kids flying the nest, perimenopause, oh the insults.


During all this, I went down, down, down into depression. Fuelled greatly by S.A.D. foods and not giving a rat's.

Gained a lot of my weight back, and was such a deep shade of blue that I didn't. even. care.


The unbelievable guilt at falling in a hole when you know better with all your heart, is beyond.


However, and this is where it gets good... I have returned. Somehow smarter, definitely wiser, and somewhat more temperate.


I'm in week 3 of eating fresh, raw, live foods and I am feeling the layers come off in such a profound way. Did you know the demons retreat when you don't feed them garbage? How kind of them to bugger off. The part of me that thrives on LIFE is the part of me I'm feeding now.


It's so good to be in my SelfHome again, I can't even tell you.


How 'bout a big round of applause!!!




Hello, Beauties

I'm back!


I'm back from the great abyss. The Winter of Age 45 has not been without its bullshit! Aging mother, kids flying the nest, perimenopause, oh the insults.


During all this, I went down, down, down into depression. Fuelled greatly by S.A.D. foods and not giving a rat's.

Gained a lot of my weight back, and was such a deep shade of blue that I didn't. even. care.


The unbelievable guilt at falling in a hole when you know better with all your heart, is beyond.


However, and this is where it gets good... I have returned. Somehow smarter, definitely wiser, and somewhat more temperate.


I'm in week 3 of eating fresh, raw, live foods and I am feeling the layers come off in such a profound way. Did you know the demons retreat when you don't feed them garbage? How kind of them to bugger off. The part of me that thrives on LIFE is the part of me I'm feeding now.


It's so good to be in my SelfHome again, I can't even tell you.


How 'bout a big round of applause!!!




Monday, 29 December 2008

Human Bean checkin' in...




Long time no post.



In this age of reality shows, I think it not completely nuts to air my truth out.



I've been SAD since Oct or so...in more ways than one. While I'm currently on the flip side of fabulous, I'm not done flippin'.



I went raw in the summer, during our roadtrip. But upon our return, we both just got lazy, and our last effort was 11 days raw in late October.



Then, for reasons unbeknown-st to me, at least, in this state, it all kinda went to hell.



Life is not the same on SAD food. Bloated, itchy, constipated, moody, chunky, aging...



We are climbing our way out of this now. Funny (not haha) how ya go back to sleep. It's a whole different level of being when you go raw. Can't say I'd believe ya if I hadn't done it. You don't even think the same way when you're raw. It's like you're looking out different eyes. Vibrancy replaces cynicism.



I know that once I release this addiction to SAD foods, my world will clear up again. Lately, I am pretty lost. And more lately, I'm finding my way back.



Onward...

Human Bean checkin' in...




Long time no post.



In this age of reality shows, I think it not completely nuts to air my truth out.



I've been SAD since Oct or so...in more ways than one. While I'm currently on the flip side of fabulous, I'm not done flippin'.



I went raw in the summer, during our roadtrip. But upon our return, we both just got lazy, and our last effort was 11 days raw in late October.



Then, for reasons unbeknown-st to me, at least, in this state, it all kinda went to hell.



Life is not the same on SAD food. Bloated, itchy, constipated, moody, chunky, aging...



We are climbing our way out of this now. Funny (not haha) how ya go back to sleep. It's a whole different level of being when you go raw. Can't say I'd believe ya if I hadn't done it. You don't even think the same way when you're raw. It's like you're looking out different eyes. Vibrancy replaces cynicism.



I know that once I release this addiction to SAD foods, my world will clear up again. Lately, I am pretty lost. And more lately, I'm finding my way back.



Onward...

Friday, 31 October 2008

Day 11 of 98% Raw

First off, Happy Hallow'een! This photo was sent to me in an email and it makes me laugh.
**********************************************************************************


I'm a health nut these days (again!) and I'm so thankful that the shoe finally dropped. All that fence-sitting was starting to hurt (and to show). I gained back some weight and I could see the inflammation return to my face, easily seen in the puffiness of the nasal labial fold. (That line or groove from the corners of your nose to the corners of your mouth.) When I'm raw, the plumpness of this area goes down and it becomes less pronounced (less inflamed).

So Day 11 brings this progress. :) That, and my pants fit better, looser. I'm a notch down on my belt, and my skin glows to the point of people commenting on how well I look.

This means a lot to the hypochondriac in me. Come to think of it, my health anxiety is calming down now that I'm eating raw, because I know I'm building health.

My energy is pretty good, but not like it will be. :) This time last year, I was unstoppable. The energy and bright outlook are my favorite aspects of being raw. I'm heading in that direction, and that alone feels wonderful and hopeful. That's the feature difference in eating a SAD diet and eating a RAW diet. With SAD, I have thoughts and feelings of guilt, and fear at what I'm doing to myself. Maybe it's being 45, but all those media-driven campaigns make a girl paranoid. But back to RAW, I feel that by eating this way, and having the subsequent, inevitable changes bloom in the rest of my life as a result, I feel much more in charge of my health and myself, rather than a victim of modern society's cautionary tales and fear-mongering that we're bombarded with.

Food and lifestyle are the cure.

Here's a general look at my eating lately.

dandelion tea, nettle tea
green lemonade (1 head lettuce, lg handful leaves like kale, spinach, collards, chard...alone or mixed...1 whole lemon, 2 apples)
green smoothie (lg handful romaine, lg handful kale or spinach, 1 apple, 1 banana, goji berries, blueberries)
spinach, romaine, and red chard salad with tomatoes and cucumbers
avocados
walnuts, pine nuts, cashews
garlic
onion
apple cider vinegar
turmeric
apples
flax crackers
maca, spirulina, flax oil
all varieties of fruit and vegetables

So far, I'm noticing that my sleep/wake hours are changing. I'm getting up way earlier, good to go. But I'm having detox-y dreams, full of anger and extreme drama.

The biggest thing, though, is the settling down of my dark side. Well, I'm keeping SOME ;) but releasing the unhealthy fears.

Raw rocks so hard!!

Oh my gawd, I forgot to mention a couple biggies.

In the past few months, I was getting too cozy with those giant sized Green & Black's almond chocolate bars, snarfing them down like a machine. While I'll never profess to being sick of those, I did suddenly decide to stop the insanity. So I tossed them in the 'good ol' days graveyard' where they sit amongst the beer, the pot, and the fast food.

Something must have happened to my palate, as I then did the truly unthinkable. I dumped all coffee, even decaf!!!

And I'm just fine!

Having a cold last week was a 'good' start. My throat was so sore, coffee didn't sound desirable at all, so I went a few days without it and didn't miss it, and then when I was feeling better, I thought, Wow, might as well keep going...

So here I am, keeping going :)

Day 11 of 98% Raw

First off, Happy Hallow'een! This photo was sent to me in an email and it makes me laugh.
**********************************************************************************


I'm a health nut these days (again!) and I'm so thankful that the shoe finally dropped. All that fence-sitting was starting to hurt (and to show). I gained back some weight and I could see the inflammation return to my face, easily seen in the puffiness of the nasal labial fold. (That line or groove from the corners of your nose to the corners of your mouth.) When I'm raw, the plumpness of this area goes down and it becomes less pronounced (less inflamed).

So Day 11 brings this progress. :) That, and my pants fit better, looser. I'm a notch down on my belt, and my skin glows to the point of people commenting on how well I look.

This means a lot to the hypochondriac in me. Come to think of it, my health anxiety is calming down now that I'm eating raw, because I know I'm building health.

My energy is pretty good, but not like it will be. :) This time last year, I was unstoppable. The energy and bright outlook are my favorite aspects of being raw. I'm heading in that direction, and that alone feels wonderful and hopeful. That's the feature difference in eating a SAD diet and eating a RAW diet. With SAD, I have thoughts and feelings of guilt, and fear at what I'm doing to myself. Maybe it's being 45, but all those media-driven campaigns make a girl paranoid. But back to RAW, I feel that by eating this way, and having the subsequent, inevitable changes bloom in the rest of my life as a result, I feel much more in charge of my health and myself, rather than a victim of modern society's cautionary tales and fear-mongering that we're bombarded with.

Food and lifestyle are the cure.

Here's a general look at my eating lately.

dandelion tea, nettle tea
green lemonade (1 head lettuce, lg handful leaves like kale, spinach, collards, chard...alone or mixed...1 whole lemon, 2 apples)
green smoothie (lg handful romaine, lg handful kale or spinach, 1 apple, 1 banana, goji berries, blueberries)
spinach, romaine, and red chard salad with tomatoes and cucumbers
avocados
walnuts, pine nuts, cashews
garlic
onion
apple cider vinegar
turmeric
apples
flax crackers
maca, spirulina, flax oil
all varieties of fruit and vegetables

So far, I'm noticing that my sleep/wake hours are changing. I'm getting up way earlier, good to go. But I'm having detox-y dreams, full of anger and extreme drama.

The biggest thing, though, is the settling down of my dark side. Well, I'm keeping SOME ;) but releasing the unhealthy fears.

Raw rocks so hard!!

Oh my gawd, I forgot to mention a couple biggies.

In the past few months, I was getting too cozy with those giant sized Green & Black's almond chocolate bars, snarfing them down like a machine. While I'll never profess to being sick of those, I did suddenly decide to stop the insanity. So I tossed them in the 'good ol' days graveyard' where they sit amongst the beer, the pot, and the fast food.

Something must have happened to my palate, as I then did the truly unthinkable. I dumped all coffee, even decaf!!!

And I'm just fine!

Having a cold last week was a 'good' start. My throat was so sore, coffee didn't sound desirable at all, so I went a few days without it and didn't miss it, and then when I was feeling better, I thought, Wow, might as well keep going...

So here I am, keeping going :)

Friday, 3 October 2008

Progress Report


Well ya know what? I'm starting to notice a glow in my complexion after several days of Green Lemonade mornings and Green Smoothie afternoons. :) (See photo, above) Just kidding, that's my dog Gracie, snoozing contentedly. I think her expression matches my progress report. :)
Anyway...

I felt lighter today, too.

Mid-day I have either salad, or an avocado sandwich on sprouted grain.

I love jazzing these up with spinach, red pepper flakes,tomato,etc. Yum!

And I really can't say enough about Green Lemonade and Green Smoothies and I recommend working your way up to both in a day. Start with one or the other. You don't want to 'poughkeepsie' like Charlotte in Mexico (Sex & the City.)

The days are definitely getting easier and it's mindless to stay raw. It's not that I ever cooked during the days, even when eating SAD (Standard American Diet) it's more that I was being unconscious about it. Not thinking of eating all day, then pigging out at night.

For me, letting the raw lifestyle get 'sloppy' and slip away really is about getting unconscious again; going back to sleep. Though I just read somewhere about the raw diet being idealistic rather than realistic, at least long-term. Well, maybe; I prefer to think of the detours and slips as part of the journey. I mean, here and there, not all the way to junk back to all the way raw.

Eventually, your times 'off the path' get shorter as you experience more contrast. The biggest thing I notice about SAD is the lack of energy and fatigue by 3pm. With raw, I'm up dawn to dusk, with an even, abundant amount of energy, it's unreal. I can't wait! I am heading towards having that sparkling, child-like energy again!!!

I am also heading towards calming 'monkey mind' about my hypochondria. Yep, it's back. It had shut right up when I was high raw and 100% raw. Knowing more than I ever have about health, nutrition, and natural hygiene, it has been impossible to quell this nagging voice in my head. Knowing that food is the cure, has made this foray back into SAD rather pointed and painful. And, thankfully, brief and medically uneventful. Just a heads up; a kick in the pants.

All that said, for the past month, I've been transitioning beautifully, with my best efforts this past week. I'm making a practice of mindful eating, and feel like I'm at the wheel again. And what woman wouldn't be motivated by this: it's starting to pay off.

Progress Report


Well ya know what? I'm starting to notice a glow in my complexion after several days of Green Lemonade mornings and Green Smoothie afternoons. :) (See photo, above) Just kidding, that's my dog Gracie, snoozing contentedly. I think her expression matches my progress report. :)
Anyway...

I felt lighter today, too.

Mid-day I have either salad, or an avocado sandwich on sprouted grain.

I love jazzing these up with spinach, red pepper flakes,tomato,etc. Yum!

And I really can't say enough about Green Lemonade and Green Smoothies and I recommend working your way up to both in a day. Start with one or the other. You don't want to 'poughkeepsie' like Charlotte in Mexico (Sex & the City.)

The days are definitely getting easier and it's mindless to stay raw. It's not that I ever cooked during the days, even when eating SAD (Standard American Diet) it's more that I was being unconscious about it. Not thinking of eating all day, then pigging out at night.

For me, letting the raw lifestyle get 'sloppy' and slip away really is about getting unconscious again; going back to sleep. Though I just read somewhere about the raw diet being idealistic rather than realistic, at least long-term. Well, maybe; I prefer to think of the detours and slips as part of the journey. I mean, here and there, not all the way to junk back to all the way raw.

Eventually, your times 'off the path' get shorter as you experience more contrast. The biggest thing I notice about SAD is the lack of energy and fatigue by 3pm. With raw, I'm up dawn to dusk, with an even, abundant amount of energy, it's unreal. I can't wait! I am heading towards having that sparkling, child-like energy again!!!

I am also heading towards calming 'monkey mind' about my hypochondria. Yep, it's back. It had shut right up when I was high raw and 100% raw. Knowing more than I ever have about health, nutrition, and natural hygiene, it has been impossible to quell this nagging voice in my head. Knowing that food is the cure, has made this foray back into SAD rather pointed and painful. And, thankfully, brief and medically uneventful. Just a heads up; a kick in the pants.

All that said, for the past month, I've been transitioning beautifully, with my best efforts this past week. I'm making a practice of mindful eating, and feel like I'm at the wheel again. And what woman wouldn't be motivated by this: it's starting to pay off.
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